Tuesday, December 10, 2013

how to be a good single friend to your attached friends;

as promised, this is part two of my first set of dating posts: how to be a good single friend to your attached friends. 
more often than not, we find ourselves single in a clique of friends who all have their other halves right beside them/basking in happiness.
it can feel lonely and your friends may neglect you/may be absolutely oblivious to annoying things they're doing to you (read my first post on what not to do if you're the attached person). this can easily lead to bitter feelings but remember, it is not their fault that you are single (although, they definitely can make it feel less miserable/lonelier, depending on their actions).
and remember, they may have been good single friends to you when you were in a previous relationship. or maybe you'll want to have good single friends when you're attached in the future. so earn that good karma and be an example of how you want others to treat you in the future.
this blog post was motivated by a blog i've been reading of late. the blogger recently got divorced and yet is a such good sport when it comes to gatherings with her girlfriends+their significant others. i cannot imagine how hard that would be and so it made me want to be a better single friend to my friends in relationships. i can bear occasional outings with all their significant others present/they don't always have to try to accommodate me when there are special occasions like christmas and new year's where you'll want to celebrate with both friends and significant others. 

okay, enough said. here are some tips on how to be a good single friend:
1. Be more understanding when he/she doesn't hang out with you as much; give him/her space to date.
  • This one definitely takes time to get used to cause when they're single, you guys probably spent almost every day of the weekend together. Now that they're attached, you'll have to be more understanding about the fact that friday nights are now date nights and that there is someone else you have to share your good friend with and oftentimes, they will take priority over you and that's okay/normal. 
2. Ask him/her how his/her relationship is going once in awhile.
  • Show that you still care about him/her and that you're happy for them. Show that you want to know what's going on in their life. 
3. Be a good listening ear if he/she faces some problems in his/her love life.
  • Sometimes people feel a pressure to always present their relationship as perfect/all good because that's what being in love is supposed to be like (common misconception). But we all know that each relationship has its hard parts and that sometimes you just need to vent about something (it doesn't necessarily represent that you're not in love anymore) to let it out and then you can move on. If you constantly show your concern, your attached friends will feel comfortable sharing their love life problems and if you don't understand because you're not at the same stage in life, just listen. 
4. Still ask him/her to hang out from time to time to maintain the friendship.
  • They may not remember to invite you to hang out as much but will definitely appreciate it when you ask them to hang out and will probably at that point realize how much they've neglected you and then proceed to make a bigger effort to make it to dinner, etc. 
  • If it's a dinner party at your place that you're inviting them to/a big group thing, extend the invitation for them to bring their significant other as well. This goes a long way cause they'll recognize your efforts to include what's important to them as well. 
5. Be comfortable with being around your friends and their significant others on special occasions. Once again, it is not their fault that you are single.
  • As long as you don't have to deal with your friends' significant others on an extremely regular basis (every single gathering you have), I think it's only reasonable that you tolerate their presence on special occasions (even if it's your birthday) because your friends will also want to spend these occasions with their significant other (and they don't want to have to ditch you). In the case of your birthday, it is considered a very special occasion to them too and so they want to make sure that their significant others understand the importance of the occasion and be prepared to participate in the future if they get married. Although I do feel that a girls' night to celebrate is often the best way to go if there isn't a huge birthday party being held.
6. Don't project your own (especially bad) past experiences onto your friends' relationships.
  • Yes, you may have had a bad experience and as such have a pessimistic view of love. You're completely entitled to that but your bad experience does not mean that the same thing is going to happen to your friend. Let him/her experience it for himself/herself. We all go through certain experiences for a reason. 
7. Try to get to know your friends' other halves as much as possible. 
  • They obviously mean a lot to your friend, who hopefully means a lot to you. You'll want to be interested in their lives in that way. By showing that you're trying, that will mean a lot to your friend because he/she would want you to know and see all the good that he/she sees in his/her other half.
8. Always trust them and let them know that you care and will always be there for them.
  • This kind of goes along with #2 and #3. Nobody likes the feeling of thinking that their friends won't be there if their relationship doesn't work out/not being able to turn to their friends because they feel like they've failed as a friend while trying to juggle their friendships and significant other. 
9. If you get uncomfortable with what your attached friends are doing and feel like your friendship is being jeopardized/compromised, talk it out and try to solve the problems.
  • If the friendship means something to you, I'm sure you'll want to do this and oftentimes, you'll find that what seemed like common sense to you wasn't quite common sense for them. 
10. Be genuinely happy for your friends who have found their significant others.
  • You love them and want them to be happy.
  • You'll want them to be happy for you in the same way as well when you find your other half.

and that's all I have for tonight. 
i'm not saying that I'm a perfect single friend. don't get me wrong at all.
i'm still working on it and just think we can all learn together. 
do you have any other ideas as to how to be a good single friend? leave me a comment. 
also, if you have any ideas for other dating-related topics you want me to discuss, let me know!

to end off, here's a picture of my cute friends from the christmas party at my place that i failed to post last night:
preston is the only married one in this picture (girl in the photo is his wife) and we always make sure to include his cute wife alice when we have our gatherings



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